Mΐŧ©Ђ (appoptosis) wrote in deep_things,

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In life, are you a vulture or a hummingbird?

I went to church today. It sucked. It awlays does. Even back when I was sweet and innocent I hated it. The old cranky bitches at my catholic school would tell me what to believe in. At least the church I went to today wasn't Catholic cause Catholics in church are getting a work out while praying.
Kneel. Stand. Sit. Stand. Kneel. You get the idea. I just hate the idea of forcing people to believe things. While the minister is preaching, I can't help but laugh sometimes cuse it's almost like he's brain washing them. He was like a mad dictator. "You must go and save those who are in need of Jeses our Lord! And in the meantime, contribute to our building fund!" When really they havn't put a doorknob on the church in 10 years. My views are odd. When I'm around a religious, church-going, bible-hugging person, I sub conciously, I try to make them question their faith. But...when I'm around an athiest, I try to make them question their beliefs. I had to think about that. I guess it means I'm agnostic. But I want to believe that there's some hope in the "afterlife." Hoping that I just don't rot after I die. But it's kinda scary when you really get deep into it. It just...ends. It's like you never existed. You're not a ghost. Not reincarnated. Not sent to heaven or hell but you just...die. All your memories are gone. How do I even know that you all exist. Maybe we all have a little Matrix thing. Except You don't exist. I think it does, but unlike my parents say to me, the "world" does revolve around me. Oh, or maybe, after I supposedly die, my body is reincarnated into my young self again and my life is just played over and over. Which may explain deja vu.
Whoa... Maybe each time I make a different choice but hen the same thing happens like it did before, it becomes deja vu. So what is there to do differently? I think this is motivation to lead an interesting lifestyle. But what if in previous lives,I've already come up with this idea. And then the rest of my life is like reading the last few pages of the book, then start reading from the beginning, already klnowing what happends. Wow I'vewritten alot. Well thank you if you took the time to read all of his. Shows you care. And since I havn't had deja vu of this yet, I must be on a new path. Sweet.
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